Flight and the Art of Not Being an Elephant

When it comes to rope bondage and shibari I only know what maître tells me. I have not studied it like he has, but trust his judgment and do what I am told. I can tell you that I feel very sexy most of the time in the ropes. He puts such care and design into it. I feel like a little girl being dressed and primped for a big event. I can see the passion he has for it and the sexual arousal that comes from touching his ropes and tying them on me. But he has certain goals in mind for our rope play and I am finding it most difficult to cooperate with his plan and design. I am not the typical shibari model. I am short and stocky and not in the best physical shape.  He shares pictures of various beautiful thin women in flight, steering me toward the direction he wants our play to go, but I am not a bird as those women appear. They are light, graceful, fluid and flexible. I see myself more as an elephant. Strong, sturdy, loud, unbendable at times even. He wants me to fly and last night we began just a beginning rope work toward flight and I felt utterly awkward. I wish many times over to see myself as he sees me. I am that bird and capable of achieving flight to maitre, but when I look in the mirror, the elephant stares back at me. Who could in all honest make an elephant fly? My own self image is a battle I face every day. I sometimes fear that his patience will wear out before I am able to conquer it. Being a part of the swinger lifestyle has helped my self image some. You can be with someone so long that you forget that you can hold value apart from that person. I must admit that male and female attention at parties is a real turn on for me. I enjoy being looked at, lusted after and found attractive. It does not seem to help my self image much either. You have to see it first.  Maitre loves me inside and out. Just as I love him. Love truly is blind. You come to love the flaws of each other if you are doing it right because those flaws make that person who they are. That is why one of us sees a bird and the other sees only the elephant. I cannot remember one time in all the time we have been together that he has ever said anything negative about my appearance. I really don't know whether I am physically capable of being his bird in flight but I really want to try. I want to see the bird in the mirror instead of the elephant.